Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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