somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
