i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
