Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
