dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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