I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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