I am puke
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
