The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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