i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
