hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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