She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
