okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
