The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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