what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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