The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
