Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
