The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
