And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
