To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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