he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
