i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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