ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
