i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
