So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
