apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
