I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
