I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
