She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
