Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
