I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
