i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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