Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
