I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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