Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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