so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
