i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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