what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
