im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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