Cold hands, warm shart.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
