umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
