I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
