well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
