his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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