Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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