Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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