Your face is a jimmy john
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
