i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
