I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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