How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
