i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
